Warning: Rant to follow!
Over the weekend we got socked with a snow, sleet, and freezing rain storm, in that order. If you didn’t shovel between the snow and sleet you were stuck with mounds of ice. Good thing it was over the weekend because few people had to drive in it.
Last night we got hit with a good amount of snow. Four to six inches depending on where you were measuring. I measured the top of our garbage carts. It was closer to eight.
The funny thing about the first few snowfalls in Wisconsin is: everyone forgets how to drive. Or maybe it isn’t so much that they forget, now that I think on it, it’s more that they drive like jerks no matter what the weather is. No one drives considerately these days no matter what the season is.
You want to drive fast in the snow. Go ahead. Your 4×4 isn’t going to stop any quicker than my car is, but you’ll find that out soon enough. Then, while you’re either piled into someone’s backend or you’ve gone off the road into a ditch that even your vaunted 4×4 can’t get you out of, I’ll drive by and go “Ha ha!” like that Nelson kid from The Simpsons.
But it’s not the maniacs so much that piss me off, I always believe what goes around comes around and they’ll get their comeuppance once day. I just hope they keep extra blankets and snacks in the vehicle so they don’t starve or freeze to death waiting for the authorities to find them trapped under a ton of fallen snow.
Yes, I’m evil.
The ones that really annoy me are the cautious drivers, the namby-pamby, “Oh, I see a snowflake, I’m going to spin out!” white knuckle, nose-pressed-to-the-windshield drivers who hold up the rest of us who know how to drive in snow.
For these people I have a special message. If you don’t know how to drive in snow, MOVE! Go down south where I hear there are some people who have never ever seen snow in their entire lives. You’ll be happier for it and we’ll all be happier with you GONE!
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of the speed demons I was just complaining about. I don’t speed in these conditions. I’m a defensive driver. I do the speed I think the roads demand. I respect the weather. But give me a break. Driving respectfully of conditions isn’t the same as driving terrified.
Criminey. Last night I got stuck behind one of these frightened drivers. She was driving a brand spanking new SUV and yet she was doing about 25 in a 45! Hello! The snow just started! It hasn’t even accumulated anywhere! The gas pedal is the long one on the right! Push it already!
And this morning, despite the fairly decent job maintenance crews did clearing the roads – they were mostly wet with a little snow cover, certainly nothing to write home about – there were still several white knucklers on the road. As a lifelong resident of Wisconsin I have a news flash: these are what we call NORMAL DRIVING CONDITIONS FOR WINTER! Get used to it. Or, as I suggested earlier, move.
So this morning I lost count of how many of these fraidy-cat drivers there were, all of them doing about 25 or 30 in areas where the speeds were supposed to be almost twice that. Granted, nobody was doing 55 on these roads, but we were still driving a reasonable speed. These candyass drivers were holding up entire lanes of traffic, causing people to swerve into the other faster moving lanes to pass them. This is what causes accidents: people being forced to move from a slow lane into a high-speed lane to pass these idiots.
Here’s some advice for you people. Get your cars winterized. Make sure your tires are in decent shape. Make sure they are inflated properly. Get your brakes checked. Then DRIVE for cryin’ out loud!
And get the hell out of my way!
That said, it’s a beautiful winter wonderland out there and I’m finally in the mood for Christmas. Deck the halls with boughs of holly, light the lights, put on White Christmas, and pass the eggnog.