Phrases That Annoy, Part 1

Meatspace. This phrase is used by everyone on the Internet to describe their real life friends. I just find it creepy. Maybe it’s the dark fantasy writer in me. I can’t help but think of, well, here, this example is from my current WIP. This is what “meatspace” makes me think of.

The room was a slaughterhouse. Blood and bits of meat were splattered over everything, as if the bodies had been run through a wood chipper. The walls, floor, ceiling, or what was left of the ceiling, were all painted in gore and torn chunks of bloody flesh. Nothing in the room had escaped untainted. The ceiling fan, which dangled from its wires, was wrapped up with intestines that stretched across the room to the curtain rods looking like morbid party streamers.

On the floor lay two man-sized lumps that resembled freshly ground beef. Something had literally stomped them like grapes until they were unrecognizable as anything even remotely human.

So really, now you can understand why “meatspace” gives me the creeps.

Brett Farve. I know, I know. Some of you are saying, “But Ed, you named your first born after him, so how could that be on your negatory list?” It’s because it’s spelled Favre, not Farve! I’ve even seen signs at Lambeau Field, where everyone should know better, misspell it Farve. Here. Here’s a mnemonic to help you remember. “If you spell it Farve you aren’t doing him a favor (Favre).” OK, I just made that up and it probably needs some work, but you get the idea.

Man Crush. As in, “I’ve got a man crush on Brett Favre.” This just brings up all sorts of images and connotations that I don’t care to think about. I mean saying that you like or even love Brett Favre doesn’t give me the same kind of emotional response as “man crush.” I have no idea why.

It’s a short list. Today. I’m sure I’ll think of more in the future and lucky you! You’ll be the first to hear them.


7 thoughts on “Phrases That Annoy, Part 1

  1. I first heard the phrase “meatspace” from Lori, and it amused me BECAUSE of my dark fantasy readings. It was very Lovecraftian, and I delighted in it. And it sort of reminded me of what those aliens on Star Trek called us: “Noisy carbon bags of mostly water.” Love it.

    As for Brett Favre…well…that’s what he gets for having a funny name, durnit!

  2. I love “meatspace” because it sums up my life admirably. Phrases I hate? Football announcers make me crazy. “defensed. He defensed that.” It’s “defended”, you morons. Oh and “that’s hard to defense.” DEFEND! It’s “DEFEND!” Aaaargh!

    I also hate “He’s a difference maker.” No! No! No! “He makes a difference.” Yes.

  3. Well, reminds me of people who use journal incorrectly.

    “I journal all the time.” “I just did some journaling.” Gah!

    And one of my favorite sportism came from OJ Simpson when he used to do Monday Night Football. He said, “Lynn Dickey’s not the most mobilest quarterback.” 🙂

  4. Sports folk make me pull hair out, as I scream proper grammar at the television. TV news anchors have that same affect on me.

    I don’t mind meatspace too much, it makes me imagine people handling raw hamburger, though. But it’s txt spk that kills me!

    I can live with the occasional LOL, even a BRB now and again. But entire conversations – no. And when they start speaking that way? Gah.

  5. I’m okay with “BRB,” for the simple reason that when I use it, it’s because I’m dashing toward a baby, the door, I have my hands full. Three simple letters are a blessing. But when you get into “rofl” and “roflmao” and so on, I think bad things should befall you.

    Also. Anyone using “At this time” should be shot.

  6. At this time, I cannot think of any of the plethora of words that annoy me. However, I will BRB and think of something. ROFLMAO!1!!

    Actually, since I’m doing a lot of memos and emails at work, I’m really starting to hate the passive construct of business writing once again.

    It’s not a word, but it involves words, right?

  7. When I was in journalism, the instructor specifically said to avoid phrases like “at this time” and any other long-winded phrase that meant “Now.” “If you mean NOW, write NOW.”

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