So I’m in the checkout line at the grocery store when a silver and red package grabs my attention. I pick it up and look at it.
In large white outline lettering it says, “CHARGED.”
Above that in slightly smaller letters is the “SNICKERS” logo.
Below the “Charged” in much smaller letters, it says “CAFFEINE, TAURINE, B-VITAMINS.”
Taurine is a major component of bile. Why would I want that in my candy bar? Ew.
And I wonder, don’t we get enough sleep in our society? Are we all so tired, so exhausted by the speed and stress of the day that we need to caffinate everything, even our candy? I mean, coffee, ok. Jolt cola, maybe. But caffinated candy? Isn’t 25 grams of sugar enough of a boost on it’s own?
Holy cow, I can’t even imagine what kind of wall-banging, ceiling-climbing, non-stop head long rush my youngest son would be on with a candy bar laced with caffeine! And I’ve seen him on cake and Mountain Dew. He vibrates!
Luckily, in tiny little black letters just above the nutrition information (13 grams of fat! WTF?) it states: “NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN OR PEOPLE SENSITIVE TO CAFFEINE.” OK, aside from the fact that they forgot a serial comma, I am so happy they included this warning label because otherwise children everywhere would be wanting to try a candy bar in a bright silver wrapper with a drawing of a black snorting rhino head bursting through the wrapper next to the bright shiny red banner across which reads “CHARGED.”
You know what? I think Kool-Aid is missing out on a great marketing opportunity, too. Caffeinated Kool-Aid would be a huge hit with parents everywhere.
I haven’t tried my candy bar yet. It’s still sitting on my desk, beckoning me. I’m waiting for that period around 1pm when I start to crash. Then I’ll eat all 250 calories of sugary caffeine and see what it does.
Thank goodness it has a whole gram of fiber so I can feel good about it.