Recession? How can that be?

How can anyone say that America is in the throes of a recession when Shell just announced 25% increase in profits for the last quarter? BP announced 63% profit for the same period. And BG Group announced a whopping 70% profit!

How, I ask, How is it possible for there to be a recession when companies are making money hand over fist? With billions, that’s billions with a B, of dollars flowing into the economy, how can there be a recession?

Oh, wait. That’s Big Oil we’re talking about. Big Oil is the reason we’re in a recession because they’re making record profits. The money isn’t flowing into the economy, it’s flowing into Big Oil’s greedy pockets.

Here’s a typical boardroom meeting at Big Oil:

CEO1: Gas prices are putting America into a recession.

CEO2: Screw ‘em! We’re beholden only to our stockholders.

CEO1: Truckers are having trouble paying for fuel to ship items across the country.

CEO2: Screw ‘em! We’re beholden only to our stockholders.

CEO1: People are having trouble making ends meet with rising fuel costs.

CEO2: Screw ‘em! We’re beholden only to our stockholders.

CEO1: The government is going to investigate. Citizen groups are complaining we’re not good corporate citizens.

CEO2: Screw ‘em all! We’re beholden only to our stockholders.

Administrative Assistant: Quarterlies are in. More record profits!

CEO1 & CEO2: (high five) Whoohoo!! Who da man? We da man! Let’s hold the stockholders meeting in Barbados this year.

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