Saturday we went to look at vacuum cleaners. I know, exciting stuff. Our current Hoover has seen better days, I think the belt broke for one, plus the replacement bags are so dadgum expensive! Not to mention it has several different filters that need replacement every now and again.
So we had borrowed our mother-in-law’s new Dyson a few months back and we were really impressed. Anything that can get Dalmatian hairs out of a couch is all right in my book. I think those hairs have little fish hook barbs on them!
So we were thinking of getting one of those cyclonic bagless vacuums. Not the Dyson specifically, those things are expensive! So I did a little research and found a site that said one of the Sears Kenmore cyclonics was as good as a Dyson, but much cheaper.
Unfortunately, I forgot to write down the model number.
So there we are at the Sears, looking at all the models of vacuum cleaners. Bag. Bagless. Cyclonic. Some of them are heavy! They must be made in China because they feel like they’re filled with lead. And at this point I’m just guessing which one is the Kenmore I read about.
Finally, after an eternity, the sales clerk comes by. Don’t they get paid by commission? She asks what we’re looking for and I say, “A vacuum cleaner?” Duh. I mean, that’s why were staring at the vacuum cleaners, right?
OK, I let the snide comment hover in the air for a minute before I said, one of those cyclonic things, but something cheaper. I thought I read that one of the Kenmores. . .
“The Kenmores are crap.” OK, so she didn’t say crap, but essentially that was the gist of it. I looked around to make sure we were in a Sears. Why not sell us the Kenmore? Isn’t that their brand?
Anyway, she points out a couple of other vacuums, I think it was either the Bissel or Eureka. I mentioned we had pets and we had liked the Dyson’s ability to clean pet hair. She proceeded to point out what was wrong with the Bissel and Eureka compared to the Dyson. At this point, I realized they were hawking Dysons.
Anyway, she convinced us. Dysons don’t need filters, you just rinse out the thing that’s in there. Dyson belts last forever, or something like that. Dysons have one of the longest warranties at 5 years.
And really, we knew they worked because we had tried one. So although usually when I buy things, I go cheap because that’s how I am. It sometimes bites me in the ass because cheap breaks and then you have to replace it right away. This time we figured, why not? Go for the gold. Buy the best and maybe, just maybe it’ll last.
But that’s not the end of the story; it’s only the preliminary to what I wanted to rant about. She told us the vacuum wasn’t in stock, but it would be in on Wednesday. “You can pick it up on Wednesday,” is what she said.
She didn’t say call ahead. Or that they’d call me. She said, “You can pick it up on Wednesday.”
So Wednesday, yesterday, rolls around and we drive out there all excited about the new vacuum cleaner. (Yes, I need a life.) We get there to the pick up area and there are no human beings there any more. The Pick Up Window is now a blank wall. Nothing that even remotely resembled customer service.
Oh, wait, welcome to the future: A computer terminal. Press pickup on the screen, scan the receipt, and the machine says, “Your product will be available on the date shown and you’ll receive a phone call.”
Well, the date was today, or yesterday rather. May 14th. I look around, not sure what to expect, maybe a smiling human being willing to help. Nothing. So I try it again. Same response. So now I’m angry. TODAY is May 14th, that means it’s ready!
So I walk through the shipping doors, grab a guy in a Sears jumpsuit, and hand him the receipt. “I’m here to pick this up.”
He points at the terminal. “What did the terminal say?”
“The terminal said it will be ready to pick up today.”
He rolled his eyes and seemed upset that I was actually making him do his job, then he disappeared into the “Employees Only” door.
After several minutes, in which he probably had a cigarette and a cup of coffee while playing a game of sheep’s head, he came back and said, “We get a shipment tomorrow. Call after 10am.”
Now we’re mad. We just wasted gas at $4 a gallon to drive out to Sears because the lady didn’t say, “Call ahead” or “We’ll call you,” but said an affirmative, without a doubt, “You can pick it up on Wednesday.”
So now I’m on the phone with them to see if it came in. The guy sounds so thrilled. I wonder if I woke him from his morning nap? He should try the coffee.
Then he gets back on the line, after maybe having that cup of coffee, but he still sounds tired and says, “Unfortunately, due to a. . . um, Due to an unfortunate um thing,” go on, “It was put on an extra truck that just came in. It should be ready tomorrow.”
Now I’m playing phone tag with my freakin’ vacuum cleaner.
C’mon, people! I’ve got dog hair piling up under the couch!