Weird Thoughts Wednesday

At lunch, I take about a 2 mile walk. This gives me time to think. Well, I write speculative fiction. Is giving me time to think while oxygen deprived really such a great idea? You decide after reading the following two thoughts that popped into my head during today’s walk.

The Moment of Death

What do we think of at the very moment of death? There’s that one joke: What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?

It’s ass.

Anyway, along those lines and with no disrespect meant meant, I was walking and listening to the radio. “Pride and Joy” by Stevie Ray Vaughan was playing. Vaughan died here in Wisconsin. His helicopter crashed right after a concert at Alpine Valley.

So I started thinking about death and what could possibly be the last thing that goes through your mind when you know you’re going to die?

And of course, being the weirdo that I am, I started thinking that there’s this countdown, like a rocket launch, only this is the final countdown. Considering my age, I would see old-fashioned scoreboard lights, those large light bulb types where a rectangle of about 15 of them make up each number, depending on what is lit. And, considering my age, many of the lights are burnt out, so I can’t tell the different between 9s, 8s, 6s, 5s, and so on. So it’ll be a very traumatic countdown until I get to 1 and I realize the end is nigh.

I’m thinking for younger people, they have newer software and probably see their numbers countdown in really cool LCD or plasma or something.

But I digress.

So you reach zero, a horrible final buzzer of life blares scaring the bejeezus out of you, like it does during basketball games, and then what?

I’m thinking then, whatever your belief in life was, that happens. You believe in reincarnation? You are reincarnated. You believe in Heaven. You end up in Heaven, or Hell, depending on whether or not you invested in good deeds during your life. If you believe in a collective conscience, you end up with a whole bunch of other mind orbs just bouncing around in the multi-verse.

If you’re an atheist? Well, you die and then, as you believe, Nothing happens further. That’s because God has a sense of irony. He takes your soul, folds it up very tightly. Stuffs it into a dark box and places that box into a cubby marked, “Athiests.” And there you rest in empty dark nothingness for all eternity.

The Hadron Particle Collider Coffee Maker

Today the CERN scientists activated the Hadron Collider. For those who don’t know, the world’s brightest and smartest geeks have been hiding in this 17 mile hole underneath Switzerland doing geeky things like watching Star Trek Marathons, having Dungeons and Dragon tournaments, and putting on 3-D virtual reality goggles to oogle Pamela Anderson. Oh, yeah, and supposedly creating a giant particle collider that will destroy the world by opening a black hole and swallowing us whole.

Kind of fun stuff if you think about it, just like GenCon or ComicsCon, only without the costumes.

Anyway, back to the destroying the world part. If you Google it, you’ll get a better understanding, but in a nutshell, they’re going to be racing subatomic particles around until they smash into each other and this is supposed to give them a glimpse into how the universe was created and if the whole Big Bang theory works. One wonders if these scientists had just discovered girls they’d know how the Big Bang theory works. Anyway, so yeah, they’ll either confirm that theory and learn all sorts of cool new things about the universe or, as I said, Doomsday.

So, while out for my walk, suffering from lack of blood to the brain, I start thinking, supposing, instead of discovering the Big Bang theory, they discover creationism? Let there be light and all that? Supposing, the particles smash and suddenly they clone God. Only it’s not a benevolent, good God they create, they clone God’s evil twin? A negative, anti-matter omnipotent meany?

Then we get to watch from our windows as these two cosmic beings battle over who is the Master of the Universe, all the while that Hawkwind tune plays in the background.

Or, as the particles are shooting around in the beam, some unwary scientist drops his pencil protector, and as he bends down to pick it up, he’s hit with the full force of the beam and turned into The Hulk or something cool. And suddenly, we have a way of making Superheroes.

Or, nothing happens at all. Nothing grand. Nothing deadly. They simply discover that they made the world’s most expensive coffee warmer and popcorn popper.

I wonder what thoughts tomorrow’s walk will bring?

Don’t you?

Have a nice day.



One thought on “Weird Thoughts Wednesday

  1. Great post. I imagine my countdown clock in the form of an old school clock, and the second hand is tick-tick-ticking down… down… down… until! Uh-oh! I just turned into the “anti-matter omnipotent meany!!!” I enjoyed the glimpse into your walkabout mind.

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