Message to the Big Three Automakers: Bite Me

Message to the Big Three Automakers: Bite Me

It seems the Big Three Automakers, after being denied their slacker cash from the government, have taken their appeal to the public with a whiney little web petition crying about all the ills and evil that will befall the land if we don’t feed the greed.

Yes, I’m sympathetic to the plight of the workers. It’s certainly not their fault they work for greedy morons who can’t seem to learn from the past.

The Big Three have had 35 years or so to prepare for today. There was a gas crisis back in the early 70s, 1973, to be exact. Then Detroit was caught with its pants down as gas prices rose, gas lines formed, and rationing took place.

Japan was there with the foresight to fill the void with economy cars.

Detroit was slow to react and when they did they gave us some of the crappiest econoboxes in the history of the automobile. The Pinto. The Monza. The Gremlin. The Vega.

In 1979 there was a second energy crisis. That makes two in one decade. A smart company, smart CEOs, forward thinking management would have seen these as a sign of things to come and started investing heavily into alternative fuel cars, electrics, hybrids, and just plain old good fuel economy vehicles.

Did they? No. The 80s saw the rise of the minivan, the giant SUV, and all manner of gas guzzler. Bigger is better was the motto of the Big Three. Opulence the order of the day. Some of the biggest behemoths on wheels were released. The Expedition. The Hummer.

And while this was going on, Japan quietly worked on hybrids.

Then, as we all remember so fondly, gas prices shot through the roof. Crude was selling at record prices. Gas hit a national average of over $4.25.

And suddenly every large SUV and minivan was on every corner used car lot. People bought Toyota Prius’ in record numbers. Small was the new big. The Mini-Cooper. The Smart Car. Motorcycles. Bicycles. Car pooling. Public transporation.

And guess who was once again caught with their pants around their ankles?

And they have the nerve to want us to sign a petition so the government will bail out their sorry asses.

Sorry, GM. Tough shit, Ford. Go pound sand, Chrysler. You guys screwed up. You should not be rewarded for making stupid decisions, for not seeing the obvious, that oil won’t last forever.

You should have been investing R&D in green cars for 35 years now, not just now scrambling to put something together.

Take your open hand and stand on a street corner with it. Maybe someone will drop a quarter in it so you can get a cup of common sense.

I’m writing my Congressman and Senators to encourage them to give you guys the finger next time they see you skulking around Capital Hill.

If you’re interested, here is the petition. It should be worth a laugh or two.



3 thoughts on “Message to the Big Three Automakers: Bite Me

  1. I’m on the fence about the possible bailout, but only because I’m from Michigan and I’m concerned about all the people who will lose their jobs. BUT, I completely agree with your argument. If only there was a way to toss the executives to the wolves without destroying the lives of the workers.

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