From the “What Ever Drugs You’re Taking, Please Share” File:
PETA is talking about coming out with George Clooney flavored tofu. Somehow they got ahold of one of his gym towels and they know the secret to creating artificial flavors.
Isn’t the almost like cannibalism?
Let me know when they have Kate Beckensale flavored tofu, though.
From the “Monkey See, Monkey Do” File:
For years leading up to the current economic crisis, the media kept doom and glooming us with their fear mongering. “We’re heading for a recession.” “It’s going to be a compete financial meltdown.”
After a while, consumers started to fear that this was true. They stopped buying. Guess what? Stopping buying causes problems. No demand, then there’s a surplus inventory. No buying means no selling. No selling means layoffs. Layoffs perpetuates the no buying thing.
Granted, some of this started from legit reasons, people overextending themselves by buying McMansions, believing less than scrupulous lenders that they can actually afford these monstrosities. (I won’t belabor that fact that if these same people had actually done some research — books on home buying are readily available in the library — they would have known what they actually COULD afford.)
Also, the fact that the automotive industry seems to be run by short sighted idiots who thought gas prices would always stay low and people would never be interested in economic alternative fuel vehicles also contributed to the current downslide.
But I lay the blame on the media. They sent us into the spiral of panic.
Now, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said Tuesday he sees a “reasonable prospect” for an end to the deep recession this year while on Thursday President and CEO Dennis P. Lockhart of the Federal Reserve Bank in Atlanta said he sees catalysts for the start of a modest recovery in the second half of 2009 and suddenly SUDDENLY the markets start to rebound. Three good days so far and today will probably bring a fourth.
Sheep. The markets are run by sheep and the media is pulling the strings.
From the “Do You Hear Something?” File:
A local couple bought a couch, brought it home, then for THREE DAYS kept hearing these meowing sounds and these people, sharp as tacks, didn’t realize there was a cat trapped in the couch until, and I know I’m belaboring this point, THREE DAYS after they brought the couch home.
A reenactment: Man sits on couch. “MEOW!”
“Hon, did you hear something?”
She sits on couch. “MEOW!”
“Yes, weird. I don’t remember the springs soundling like that at the store.”
Readjusts his position on the couch. “MEOW!”
“What the hell?”
“Let’s wait a few days, maybe the sound will go away.”