Life in the slow lane

I was making good time tonight, which is unusual considering how many Milwaukee streets are torn up for unnecessary repair.

It was only 4:40pm as I neared the grocery store. I figured I had time to run in and pick up a few things and get out.

4:43pm – I made it through the store in no time and headed for the checkout. Since I did only have a few items, I chose the “15 Items or Fewer” lane. I was behind three people with only a few items also. I’d be out in no time.

Then I noticed the cashier. She was holding some coupons and typing on the screen. OK. Sometimes you have to key them in because they don’t have a bar code. No problem.

4:44pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap

Seriously?

4:45pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap

Oh, come on!

4:46pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap

And by this time, it’s too late for me to change lanes. The others are full with people with grocery carts full. And our line is now 10 deep behind me.

4:46pm – The cashier finally asks for help. Another cashier comes over. The first cashier says, “She just showed me how to do this once.” OMG. So the second cashier takes the coupon. Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap

I started looking around for cameras and Alan Funt’s son, Peter, to show up and say, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!”

4:47pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

Finally, the second cashier steps away and leaves the first cashier to her own devices. Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

No. This can’t be real.

4:48pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

Now there is a line from extending from all three open lanes. It’s like a nightmare. I’m hearing my cashier tapping away while another cashier is yelling, “Price check,” and the third actually says, “Override on 2!”

I’m in Hell. I know it. I’ve died and I’m in Hell. I’ll be in this lane forever.

4:49pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

A man, who I thought was the manager comes over and says to my cashier, “You’ve been on this for 10 minutes. The entire store is backed up!”

As he stepped away, I realize he’s just an irate customer. There’s a lot of us here now. Finally, the second cashier opens another lane. But because there’s now like 15 people behind me, I can’t move. I’m committed, or fit to be.

4:50pm – The cashier from the service desk comes over to help. Tap tap tap. “There.” And she walks away, but the first cashier finally says, “That’ll be $5.85.” Yay! We might actually get out of here.

4:51pm – The next customer in line moves through in no time.

4:52pm – The customer just ahead of me is having her stuff scanned. Whoohoo! I’m next. But wait, what’s this? She’s handing the cashier some coupons! Oh, no, you didn’t!

4:53pm – Yes, she did. Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

4:54pm – Tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.

My stomach is growling. I am, too. I contemplate opening the jar of peanut butter I have just to keep from starving to death.

4:55pm – Tap! “You’re total is $2.35.”

I’m next! Seriously, I am! Boop! Boop! Boop! Boop! Boop! Boop! She’s done! I’ve already ran my debit card through the reader and I’m impatiently waiting for it to say, “Approve?”

She looks at me. “Do you have any coupons?”

No! As God is my witness, I do not have any coupons! Please, just hit the Debit key so I can get out of here!

4:56pm – She finally hands me my receipt – with attitude – as if I was the one causing all the problems.

Really?

4:57pm – I make it to the parking lot. I’m home free.

-30-

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