As an older human, there are many disappointments in life. Many of them are economic. For instance, take Cracker Jacks. Oh, sure, the candy coated popcorn with peanuts still tastes as good as I recall, but the prize inside is just shit now. We used to get real toys. Toys you could play with. Not just crappy stickers or body tattoos.
Or look at other candy bars. They’ve shrunk over the years, fooling us with the cardboard inserts. Coffee used to come in one pound bags, but gradually, as the price has risen, the size of the bags has gotten smaller until now it’s served in 11 or 12 ounce bags.
My latest disappointment? Hostess and it’s supposed return. “The sweetest comeback in history.”
Today, I found they’ve finally rereleased Suzy Q’s, which were my one and only Hostess weakness.
I saw them in the store today and I was very, very happy. And I immediately bought a box and brought them home.
But then I opened the box and took out one of the Suzy Q’s. I could tell right away, this was NOT the Suzy Q that I knew and loved. It was smaller. Nearly half has wide as it used to be. And they used to pack so much cream filling into a Suzy Q, that it would ooze out and smear against the wrapper.
These new ones hardly have any filling at all. Maybe a dab. Certainly not the thick spilling over the sides amount they used to give us. This was not even enough to reach the edges.
And the cake used to be very moist. Biting into a Suzy Q was an experience of epic proportions.
Now? It was like biting into a dried out, tasteless slab of blech.
This was my biggest disappointment in a life filled with disappointments.
Hostess has broken my heart and it can never be repaired.
Fuck you, Hostess. You’re dead to me.