Friday roundup

A Friday Haiku

“Insufficient Funds”

The checkout cashier tells me

“Nooooooo!” comes my reply.

Weigh-In Friday

I don’t usually lead off with what my scales says, but I’ll make an exception today. What does the scale say? I don’t know, but the fox says, “Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringding!”

Sorry. Try to get that song out of your head now.

Anyway, the scale read — *drumroll* — 196.3 pounds! I think that’s the lowest my weight has been since before my thyroid went wonky and I blew up like the Michelin Man, so mid-90s? (And there is one photo of me from that era. I’m so puffed up, my eyes are squinty. I hope my wife burned it.)

So, yes, I’m happy. I’ve lost 2.5 pounds just since last week. Granted, I’m hangry all the time, but nothing a fun-sized Snickers can’t tame.

I was well over 235 pounds (maybe more, a lot more, I don’t recall) when I started this adventure. It’s taken longer than I would have liked, but I’m finally seeing progress.

I think that deserves an extra apple.

Sculpting

No, it’s not a new ADHD-driven interest. I wouldn’t have the patience for sculpting. Nor was I ever very good artistically using three-dimensional materials.

I’m talking about body sculpting. As the layers of fat fall away, I’m starting to see that underneath the benefit of the exercises I’ve been doing is starting to be revealed.

I do not have six-pack abs yet, but I can see that as the keg disappears, there is a six-pack hiding under there.

Checkout Limbo

I stopped at the store yesterday for a few things, mostly stuff for a cold. You know, chicken soup, orange juice, bacon, the essentials.

All the lines were long. I waited, then it was my turn. She scanned everything, rang it up, and just as I slid my card, the card-reader went blank. Then it flashed on, Remove Your Card. So, I did. Then it said Transaction Canceled and went blank again.

The cashier said, it says you canceled the transaction.

I put up my hands. “Not me. The reader is having problems.”

After several unsuccessful attempts to get it to work, she finally called for help. Another lady came and reset it then left.

We waited. I watched as the reader rebooted. Then it went blank again. I looked at the cashier and shrugged. She said the register didn’t come back up either.

By now, the lady who had helped was swamped behind the service desk. The cashier explained to those waiting that her register was broken.

The guy next in line gets huffy. “Why don’t you move to that register?”

And she explained that register was logged in by someone else, now on break. She can’t just log in. Besides, her cashdrawer is stuck inside this register, which she can’t extract.

All the others waiting in line filtered off to other registers, while Anger Man sat steaming for a minute as if our cashier had magical powers to scan his stuff. Then, throwing up his hands, he stormed off, leaving his shit on the conveyer belt.

She looked at me. “If anyone should be upset, it should he you.”

I said, “What good would that do?”

Which is really strange, because usually I’m the one who explodes in anger when things go wrong.

Finally, the other cashier came off break and my cashier explained what was going on. Cashier2 was nice enough to ring up my purchases while Cashier1 bagged so I could get out faster.

I scanned my card and that’s when I heard the dreaded words: “Insufficient funds.” I would have laughed, because now it felt like a bad sitcom.

I tried a credit card. That one said, Overlimit. Shit. Third time was a charm, however, and I left with my purchases, feeling a little embarrassed.

Outro

Another weekend is upon us. I hope it’s a good one for you.

I leave you with a song I only just heard this morning, but I really liked it. Made for a good drive in to work.

I hope it brightens your day as well.

Remember: Keep on keepin on. Resist.

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Friday Randomizer

A Friday Haiku

Many are broken

Some have cracks, some deeper pain

But they all need love.

Weigh-In Friday

It’s now official, I weigh 198.9 pounds according to my scale. According to it’s biometrics, I’ve lost 0.8% fat since my last weigh-in and gained 0.r% skeletal muscle.

I will not celebrate with cake.

I can do this.

Running

Since end of July, I changed my running schedule. It was somewhat haphazard, but close to three times a week.

Now I still run three days a week, but I run five times. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I run twice. Once in mid-morning and again in mid-afternoon, averaging a total of five miles between those two runs.

The morning one is usually longer, about 5k, while the afternoon run is a fast two miles. And these are outdoor runs, not treadmill runs. Sunday, I set a person best running two miles in 18:43, the first mile in 8:36.

I’m thinking this twice a day run thing, plus limiting my intake to a tuna pouch in a tortilla shell, or sometimes a Starkist chicken pouch (“CHICKEN!” Candace Cameran Bure cracks me up), and two apples between breakfast and dinner has boosted my fat burning metabolism.

I’m also able to fit into pants I haven’t worn since I was in college without looking like a stuffed sausage.

I started this adventure several years ago (ok, more like a score ago) with a bulging 38 pants waist size (although I refused to buy more than one pair, prefering to pretend I fit in all my size 36 pants.

Now I’m down to 34, and at least one pair of 34s are getting very loose on me. I can even fit into a 33 waist.

Which makes me wonder. Below 34, pants are measured incrementally 33, 32, 31, 30, and so on. But once you hit 34, pants sizes jump every even number. 34, 36, 38, 40, 42… Why is that? Do they figure once you reach those sizes, you’re going to continue to expand, so they think it’s easier on the wallet buy new pants every other size?

Adventures in ADHD

I’m sure you’re all dying to know what my latest interest is, right? Well, Ha! You missed it and now I’m between interests, so stay tuned.

It was classic muscle cars. Luckily, we can’t afford a real classic muscle car, like a 1969 Ford Mustang Mach 1, or a 1968 Pontiac Firebird 400, or a 1971 AMC Javelin, but I did buy the Hot Wheel/Johnny Lightning versions.

And I’ve been watching Mekum Auto Auctions and drooling, but I can tell my interest has peaked (versus piqued), and is beginning to wane.

Writing

Yeah, OK. *red faced with embarrassment* I haven’t put pen to paper in a while. Sorry. I know. I’ve let everyone down, myself included.

If it’s any consolation, I am still querying my finished urban fantasy.

I’m also mulling over a new character. I want to write about a female protagonist, so ideas are percolating, and I have written a few scenes. Mostly throwaway, because from my perspective, I’m worried they come across as if she were a man who likes wearing frilly things.

I might need a lot of beta readers to help me get her more feminine. Stay tuned.

Outro

I hope everyone has a great weekend. For those in the east facing Hurricane Florence, stay safe.

I leave you with a song for the weekend. Considering how broken I am, the song is apropos.

Keep on keepin’ on. Resist.

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Tin roof rusted

OK, the title is totally random and is neither here nor there regarding today’s topic, which is “Doctors, Height and Weight Charts, and You.” I was just in a B-52s kind of mood.

So, I saw my doctor a few weeks back for my yearly poke and cough.

Well, to be honest, he stopped checking my prostate years ago. I guess the thrill is gone.

When he finished the exam, his verdict was I’m probably his healthiest patient (read: healthiest old guy). My chances of dying from heart disease are slim to none.

He did mention that risk of death from accidents around the house was increasing at my age, however.

I am also his oldest patient still on ADHD medication.

Anyway, we got talking about weight, and I mentioned that his scale is broken, because just that morning I had weighed myself at home and had gotten down to my nemesis weight of 200, but his scale said I was 207.

Sidebar: 200 is my nemesis weight because the last time I dipped below it, I went on a celebratory eating binge and promptly gained seven pounds that I’ve been struggling to lose since.

Sidebar 2: This morning I unofficially weighed in at 199.8. Unofficially, because I didn’t Bluetooth it to my phone scale app, so I have no corroborating proof it happened.

Anyway, he said that 200 pounds for my height was my ideal weight. Say what?

I graduated high school weighing 127 pounds dripping wet. I spent my early 20s hovering around 135, which gradually increased to about 150 (then 170, 180, and then my thyroid blew up and I did as well). So how could 200 be my ideal weight?

So I looked it up. First thing I noticed is the height and weight chart only aplies to people aged 25 to 59. I guess once you hit 60, no one gives a damn what you weigh. And before 25, they themselves don’t care.

The charts are broken up by small frame, medium frame, and large frame. Using their measurement criteria, which is the distance between the two bones in your elbow while doing the Chicken Dance, I figured I was of medium build.

Therefore, according to the weight chart, my ideal weight would be 151 to 166 (depending if we go by my previous height of 5’11” or my incredible shrinking man height of 5’10”).

200 pounds? I’d have to be a large framed man standing over 6’2″!

So, I’m not sure where my doc came up with 200, unless he has a height and weight chart specifically applying to those of us who have reached Level 60 or higher in the game of life.

So, now I have to adjust my goal weight, which has been 185 down to 166. Crap, just when I thought I was close, only 15 pounds to go, life throws in 10 more pounds.

It isn’t fair, I tell ya!

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Random Randomness on a Friday

A Friday Haiku

Rain rain go away

And you had better not freeze,

No ice ice baby!

Weigh-In Friday

Good news. I lost two pounds.

*Does the happy weight loss dance*

Now if I could only figure out what I did different this week from last. Although, I did buy a medicine ball and I’ve been doing various exercises for my core with it.

Writing and OCD

I don’t know if I really have OCD, but I have ADHD-induced obsessiveness.

I’m refering to yesterday’s blog where I mentioned I was sinking into a research quagmire because I felt a scene needed a humorous anecdote to balance a tense moment where my MC is combating a demon, specifically the Egyptian demon Ammit, the devourer.

Have I completed the research and continued with my almost finished edits on my novel so I can start having it beta read?

No. To show just how obsessive I can be about being as factual and historically accurate in my fiction, even an urban fatasy faerie tale, I’m reading the entire text of “The Egyptian Book of the Dead.”

Just so I can write one short paragraph.

Tell me that’s normal behavior and all writers do the same thing.

Please?

Wisconsin is rejoicing

Yes, Wisconsin is rejoicing, or at least the intelligent part is.

Paul Ryan, who has represented Wisconsin’s first congressional district, is retiring.

What will the legacy be of Ryan’s 20 year career in Washington? One of complete and utter failure.

Looming largest for the people of Wisconsin was his total inability to prevent the closure of the Janesville GM plant, which had provided significant employment to the area for 90 years.

Ryan will also be remembered for not having the balls to stand up against Trumpy the Clown with his insane outbursts and unpredictable shifts on every position that have made the United States a laughing stock to the rest of the world and has put us on the brink of nuclear war against two countries, so far.

Ryan, who for 20 years was touted as the Republican’s budget wunderkind despite never being able to pass one of his budgets, will now be remembered as the architect of the most financially ruinous budget ever passed, one that screws the middle class, widens the gap between the rich and the poor, all while crearing a fiscal conservative’s worst nightmare of an out-of-control deficit reaching record heights never before imagined.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, as they say. May Kharma make Ryan’s retirement as financially uncertain and and terrifyingly insecure as those of the elderly he has screwed, and tried to screw, over the years.

Once more for those in the back, social security insurance and Medicare are not entitlements, they are benefits we pay into throughout our working life.

Paul Ryan will not be missed.

Smart missiles, stupid leader

On April 11th, Trumpy the Clown tweeted: Russia vows to shoot down any and all missiles fired at Syria. Get ready Russia, because they will be coming, nice and new and “smart!” You shouldn’t be partners with a Gas Killing Animal who kills his people and enjoys it!

The next day, he then tweeted: Never said when an attack on Syria would take place. Could be very soon or not so soon at all! In any event, the United States, under my Administration, has done a great job of ridding the region of ISIS. Where is our “Thank you America?”

Wow. Trumpy the Clown sure has Russia guessing now, doesn’t he? “Will he? Won’t he? Golly gosh! The suspense is unnerving.”

When Trumpy’s lawyer had his office raided and files detained, Trumpy went on a twitter rant: “Attorney-Client privilesge is dead!” and “A TOTAL WITCH HUNT!!!”

He’s also ranted about his wall, about sending National Guard troops to the border, how our relations with Russia are the worst ever because of Meuller and the “Fake and Corrupt Russia Investigation.”

And today he’s ranting about Comey, calling him a “proven LEAKER & LIAR,” how everyone in Washington thought he should be fired (at least every one of the voices in Trumpy’s head, anyway), and so on and so forth.

Anyone else see the striking resemblance to Captain Queeg from “The Caine Mutiny?” Trumpy the Clown is sinking deeper and deeper into an arrogant, self-possessed, delusional paranoia. I predict he will soon tweet: Aah, but the strawberries that’s… that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt and with… geometric logic… that Crooked Hillary, that leaker Comey, the conflicted Meuller, and the Fake News are all out to get me and ruin America! But the people know I’m great… the best President… better than the failed Obama!

Sad!

It’s sad that we allow him to destroy the dignity of the office of the President of the United States and our country’s standing among the world community.

Forget impeachment.

Guys! The 25th Amendment is there for a reason: to rid ourselves of unstable, dangerous people like Trumpy the Clown.

Last word

It’s the weekend. It should be Spring, but it isn’t. Not that I’ve ever really seen a Spring here in Wisconsin. Maybe once, back in the 1960s, I think we may have had a real Spring with warming weather, April showers, and May flowers.

Either that, or I have a false memory courtesy of Al Jolson.

I do know that for as long as my wife and I have lived where we can plant flowers around the house, which is about 20 years, we’ve experienced a May where the ground was thawned enough and there was no danger of a killing frost to allow us to plant only a handful of times.

Despite my haiku suggesting otherwise, I’m never surprised or disappointed when it’s still cold in April or May. This is Wisconsin. Wisconsin doesn’t care what season your calendar says it should be.

Therefore, this weekend’s forecast of freezing rain, snow, ice, and a winter weather advisory is just par for the course.

Enjoy your weekend no matter what the weather.

Keep resisting.

And, as always, a song.

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It is random Friday

A Friday Haiku

Friday Friday Yay!

Friday Friday Friday Yay!

Friday Friday Yay!

Weigh-In Friday

Damn you, Easter candy! Damn you, Cadbury mini eggs! Why must you be so tempting and delicious?

The only consoling fact is, now you’re gone for another year and there is nothing else out there that is an adequate substitute.

Hey hey you you get offa my floor

There’s this guy from a different floor, from a completely different division, who literally has no reason to be on our floor, yet he comes up every day to use our restroom.

And every single time he leaves it smelling like the sewer backed up.

Which, unless I miss my guess, is probably why he does it. He has most likely been banished from his own floor’s restroom.

I’ve been seriously contemplating buying several cans of Febreeze and attacking the room with double-barrel action like that commercial, it’s that bad.

Maybe if I do it every time he’s in there, he’ll find another floor to terrorize.

What a maroon

Can anyone believe what a moron the orange turd is? In his attacks of Amazon (because Amazon is owned by Jeff Bezos, who also owns the Washington Post, which is critical of the orange turd), Trumpy the Clown has shown that he has no idea how the United States Post Office works. He thinks Amazon uses the Post Office as their personal delivery boy.

Well, first, that is their job. They are America’s delivery boy.

Second, Amazon pays them for the service (just like the rest of us do), they don’t get packages delivered for free (ever hear of postage stamps, Donnie?). In that way, Amazon is actually supporting the Post Office.

Third, Trumpy the Clown hates Jeff Bezos because, as I said, he owns the Washington Post, which is critical of Donnie. In other words, it tells the truth about what a lying, crooked piece of orange shit Trumpy is. But more than that, Trumpy is jealous of Bezos’ success because Bezos was named the richest man in the world sometime in 2017 while Trumpy is always declaring bankruptcy, ruining businesses, and destroying lives.

The second ignorant thing Trumpy the Clown said was when he admitted he had no idea what a Community College was. Seriously? Out of touch much?

And lastly, Trumpy tweeted this:

showing that he has no clue how our economy works, or how the commodities market functions.

You just signed the fucking bill yesterday, you dope!

Can he become more ignorant?

The answer is: Yes, daily.

He’s also a lying by omission. Yes, aluminum decreased 4%, but that’s after they skyricketed in March after he first announced the tariff.

Last Word

As you can tell by my haiku, I’m pleased as punch that it’s Friday. It’s been a long week, but we made it to the weekend.

And as always, I leave you with a song:

Keep resisting.

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Friday randomizer activated

A Friday Haiku

Its St. Urho’s Day

He chased out the grasshoppers

And saved the grape crop.

St. Urho’s Day

March 16th is St. Urho’s Day. St. Urho is the patron Saint who, like St. Patrick who drove the snakes out of Ireland, drove the grasshoppers out of Finland, thus saving their grape crop.

And like St. Patrick’s Day, everyone is Finnish on St. Urho’s Day. We wear purple (although green is acceptable as well. People will just think your celebrating that other holiday early), and we drink purple beer.

And don’t forget to shout: Heinäsirkka, heinäsirkka, mene täältä hiiteen! Which means, grasshopper, grasshopper, go to Hell!

“Is this for real?” you ask.

To which I reply, we even have statues!

So, I ask you, would anyone put up statues to a made-up Saint? I think not.

Weigh-In Friday

Nothing to see here. Move along.

I’m still above 200 pounds and nowhere near my goal of 185.

Feel free to mock me.

Trombones and me

I’m still practicing. Surprised? I’m up to lesson 4 of the YouTube series “Beginning Band with Mr. Walls.”

I’m trying to take it slowly so as to avoid the frustration of attempting to do things before I’m ready and spraining a lip muscle.

Hey, strained lip muscles are a thing!

To give you an idea of just how exciting Mr. Walls is, here he shows us how to lube our slide.

Yes, lubing our slide is a thing, too.

By the by, if ya’ll get a sudden hankering to learn a band instrument like I did, Mr. Walls also has lessons for the trumpet, alto saxaphone, ckarinet, and flute.

Saying goodbye

This week the world lost a literal genius. I know that word gets thrown around pretty carelessly to describe any schmuck who people admire, but real genious is very rare and we just witnessed the passing of one.

Goodbye, Stephen Hawking. The world’s collective I.Q. dropped significantly the day he died.

And in a world led by ignoramuses like trump, who in turn are idolized by millions of doltish trumpanzees, the loss of Hawking’s pioneering spirit and unique intelligence looms large.

Last word

Its the weekend, and a great one for excessive drinking, if that’s your thing and you do it responsibly.

Starting today, enjoy purple beers, if you can find them, to celebrate St. Urho’s Day. Then when you get up tomorrow, you get to start all over by drinking green beer in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.

Its a food-colored beer party two-fer. Enjoy. Stay safe. Find a designated driver.

Here’s a song to get you started from the Finnish alternative rock band, Uniklubi:

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Random Friday

A Friday Haiku

Government shut down,
Congress cannot do their job,
Vote all the bums out.

Weigh-in Friday

I’m fighting another cold or maybe the same one. I’ve been sick most of this year so far with colds and a bout of bronchitis. Because of the cold this week, I didn’t run or exercise and yet, my body was always wanting fuel, probably to battle the cold.

So I was expecting to have gained weight when I stepped on the scale, but surprise! I had lost 0.8 pounds.

Don’t ask me how.

2018 Government Shutdown #2

khangress-gov-shutdown-meme

If you blinked, you missed it, but it was there. The government shutdown for about six hours or so because several Senators delayed the vote until past the midnight deadline.

Specifically, Senators Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) and Mike Lee (R-Utah), suddenly had a conscience over how this budget plan would bust the deficit wide open, completely forgetting that they had signed the #GOPTaxScam about six weeks ago without any qualms whatsoever. Not a peep.

But see, according to conservative logic, the tax bill is all right because even though it will blow up the deficit, it puts money back into the “people’s” pockets. Granted, when conservatives talk about the “people”, they don’t mean you and I, the middle class, or the working class struggling to make ends meet, they mean the wealthy, the rich, the well-to-do.

This budget plan they just passed, however, is a spending plan and conservatives don’t like that. Conservatives don’t like to spend money unless it’s for the military. Anything else, to them, is considered an entitlement and should be cut.

So you see, there are good deficits and bad deficits, according to conservatives. Good deficits happen when they are giving the rich a tax break, but if you spend money to feed and house the poor, give medical aid to the elderly,  or educate children, then that leads to bad deficits.

Oh, and see you in a few weeks, this Continuing Resolution is only good until March 23rd, when we get to go through the whole shutdown scare again.

Backwards and in high heels

This 1982 Frank and Ernest cartoon by Bob Thaves seems apropos for events this week:

ginger_frankernesttoon

Only now it should read, don’t forget that Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-California) held the House floor for 8 hours, giving the longest speech in that chamber for at least a century, sipping only water, while in four inch heels.

That’s impressive. You go, girl.

Last Word

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

I leave you, not necessarily with a song, but a movie clip of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.

Enjoy.

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