Brave new world

More than likely, you’ve seen this story, or have heard the loud screams of “Big Brother” amidst the gnashing of teeth on the Internet, of the Wisconsin company that is inserting implants into their employees so they can open secure doors, log-in to computers, and buy snacks from the vending machines in the break rooms.

If not, here it is: Wisconsin company offers employees microchip implants

That story isn’t new. A Swedish company has been doing the same thing for months now. (It pays to read captions.)

The concensus among the denizens of the Internet is, “No way, Jose!” First this, next they’ll be tracking your whereabouts and monitoring your activities and telling you what you can and can’t do on your free time. It’ll be like 1984. (Showing that they didn’t actually read 1984, wherein the givernment monitored everyone using two-way televisions, not microchips. See? Completely different.)

Ever notice how negative everyone seems to be? No wonder TheRump was elected. So much anger.

So, cheer up, buckaroo and turn that frown upside down. The future is bright and to prove it, I’m going to list all the positives to being microchipped.

The microchip will take the place of your driver’s license/I.D. No more steuggling to find your D.L. when you get pulled over. They’ll just scan your wrist. Unfortunately, the scanner will also pick up the chip in body hidden in the trunk as well. Sorry. Busted.

You won’t need to carry cash, debit cards, credit cards, or checks because all that can be programmed into the chip. The good thing is, when you are in the checkout, we don’t have to wait while someone writes a check. They’ll just scan the indentichip. Neither will we have to wait while the person goes through all their credit cards. “I’m sorry, ma’am, that one was rejected, too.” “Oh, here. Try this one.” Because one scan will show they have no money anywhere and they can immediately be thrown out, helping the line to move much faster.

You’ll not need to carry store cards. That info, too, can be programmed into the chip. Which will be nice because we won’t have to hear the clerk ask each and every customer, “Do you have your rewards card?” “I don’t have one.” “Would you like to sign up?” “Sure.” Then we’re all forced to wait while the person gives out all their personal info for everyone to hear. With thenidentichip, they’ll just scan it and say, “Ok. You’re in the system.”

The identichip will make carrying a wallet a thing of the past.

As the technology improves, the implant will be able to send and receive phone calls. A small resonator implanted near the bone by your ear will provide sound reception and transmission. Unfortunately, you can’t use the excuse, “I didn’t have my phone on,” when your spouse asks why you didn’t answer their call.

A visual heads-up display will give you access the Internet, where you can interact with social media, Google, send and receive text messages, or even do regular old computer work. Similar to the Jarvis displays Tony Stark uses.

In other words, it will take the place of your smartphone (which, by the way, is already tracking your whereabouts).

The identichip will replace keys. Your car will start when it recognizes you. Your home will open when it scans you.

Just think, you’ll no longer forget where you out your wallet or keys and you won’t have to ask someone to call your phone in order to find it. All that will always be with you. Now you’ll only have to remember to get dressed.

And your house will recognize you and adjust the temperature accordingly. If you and your spouse are in the same room, the environmental system will warm or cool each part of the room to suit that person. Think Mr. Freeze from the Adam West Batman tv show. He had the room at subzero while his henchmen got to sat comfortably beside him in their own warm space.

There will be many advantages to being chipped. Personal finances will be more secure. Since everyone will jave their own identichip, identity theft will be more difficult. Someone can’t pretend to be you in person because their chip won’t match and even if physical credit cards still existed to steal, the thief’s chip wouldn’t match the credit card.

With the identichip, we’d never worry about someone overhearing our social security number or spying to see what our pin code is, because we’d just swipe the implant.

And online banking, shopping, et cetera would also be more secure because again, there is no information to steal, it’s all locked in the indentichip, which the computer would read.

The info in the identichip would be encrypted. It would be transmitted encrypted, which would make stealing the info even more difficult.

I’m not saying it’s foolproof against identify theft, because thieves are very ingenious and the public is so gullible (again, I refer you to the election of TheRump). But it would be much safer than the haphazard system we have in place now.

Unfortunately, with every advamce, every step forward, there are always very vocal naysayers and doubting Thomases shrilly screeching their dire warnings of doom, gloom, misery, and overreaching fascist governments.

“The horseless carriage is just a fad!” “If man were meant to fly, he’d be born with wings!” “Vinyl is dead.” Um, ok, that’s a bad example, but you get the picture.

When cellphones first came out most of us were like, “What’s the point in that? No phone call is so important that it can’t wait until I get home.”

And yet today, most everyone has a cellphone.

By the end of the next decade, more people will be identichipped than not. You heard it here first.