And now for something completely different

Let’s talk hats.

Not all hats, of course, but specifically men’s hats. And again, not all men’s hats, but we’ll get to that in a moment.

Firstly, I tend to wear hats on a regular basis. When I was a younger man, I wore baseball hats quite a lot. My hair stylist commented then she didn’t know why she bothered doing a good job since I just put my hat on immediately after. 

I even have a cap from the USCSS Nostromo. Anyone know where that’s from? Then you know how old the cap is, because that’s when I got it.

Anyway, I sort of outgrew that phase for a few years, but now I’m back to wearing hats again. Mostly to keep my head warm or shield it from the sun. You see, I now get an extreme crew cut. So extreme that just a few millimeters more and I might as well be shaving.

Now I do still have a good collection of baseball caps. Real baseball caps. The ones with the nice curved brim, not those silly oversized, flat-brimmed snapbacks. The people who wear those look like Sach Jones from The Bowery Boys movies. Not a good, or intelligent, look.

Sach Jones (Huntz Hall) of The Bowery Boys

And I still wear them on occasion, mostly weekends. I don’t wear them to work though. They don’t look professional, unless you really happen to be a baseball player.

Over the winter, when it wasn’t near zero and I had to wear a winter knit hat, I was wearing what is known as a flat cap, or driving cap, newsboy cap, Gatsby, eight panel cap, cabbie hat, Irish cap, or duckbill cap. There are literally dozens of names for this particular piece of headgear.

It’s basically a flat, rounded hat with a small, stiff brim. Some are made of one piece of material while others are made from eight pieces, like panels (thus eight panel cap), and sometimes they have a button on top.

They generally come in wool, tweed, and cotton, but other materials are used as well, and they can have a winter weight as well as a summer weight.

I have several of these caps. Most came from my dad, while I purchased one or two.

So, if I already have a collection of flat caps going (I think I have 5 or 6), why do I need more?

Because, and here’s the frustrating part, they come in predominantly dull as shit colors, that’s why. My dad’s are all black and the one I purchased is grey.

Go look up flat caps, or driving caps, on Amazon, them pick a hat and look at the color selection. I’ll wait.

See what I mean? They come in black, grey, khaki, taup, brown, coffee, charcoal, and on and on throughout the dull color pallet. On occassion you might find navy blue or an olive green, but those are as dark and uninspiring as the other drab colors.

You could, and I did, specify a color in your search, like crimson, or yellow, cyan, robin egg blue, or magenta, but why should we have to? That’s just tedious. Bright colors should be as readily available as the neutral ones. But they arent.

Why? Why do men prefer nondescript monochromatic hues? Are men afraid of color? Do they fear to stand out from the crowd?

The same holds true for the rest of men’s clothing, although nowadays you can find shirts that offer more vibrant colors than you could even just a few years ago. But pants? Essentially we have three, maybe four, colors: black, navy, khaki, and olive drab.

Look to nature. The male of the species is often the one decked out in bright, eye-catching colors.

But not male humans. No. Men want to blend in instead of stand out.

Not me. I want a red hat, dammit!

Why should I have to specify “red Puma driving cap” in a search?

Be colorful. Dare to stand out.